Cancer is a Bitch

Of all the places it could have happened, my Mom told me she had lung cancer inside a Wal-Mart.

I still have the image of my hands fiddling with the hangers burned inside my mind.  I can see the checkouts and fluorescent lights beating down on me.  I could feel the anger bubbling, trying to escape.  After all, I had tried to get my parents to quit smoking multiple times to no avail. I wanted to BLAME someone, something!!

That was nearly 15 years ago.

After undergoing both aggressive radiation and chemotherapy treatments at same time, I'm happy to report that she annihilated that lung cancer and made it her 'bitch'.  At the same time, I was a pretty awful teenager and tried to drown out her treatment side-effects by yelling at my Dad and since he was still smoking, I told him that he was in fact killing her.  

Yeah, I actually said that to my dad.  And I regret it to this very day. 

Since then, people I've known have continued to be affected by cancer.  And honestly, I think once someone is diagnosed with cancer, they constantly have it in the back of their mind that it might come back - maybe not in the same form, but somehow, cancer will strike again.

And that's how I'm feeling right now.

I was recently told that someone close to me found a lump in their breast and has to undergo a biopsy.  This person has had cancer before and I could tell that they were scared or at least considerably anxious about what the results will be.

After they told me, I was numb.  

What should a person feel when they are told this?  Angry?  Sad?  

The eternal optimist inside me says 'Well, no sense in worrying until we actually know what the lump is....afterall, people get cysts and all sorts of weird things that grow in their body harmlessly.'  <Insert plastic smile here>

But in all honestly, I'm scared.   I'm scared that it might actually be cancer and it might take this person's life.  And I'm also mad as hell!

Mad that yet again, I am back thinking about how it will affect ME and I'm not even the person that may/may not have to have cancer treatments.  I'm all worried about how MY life will be changed.

Uhhh...hello!  It's going to change their life more than anyone's!!!  

Cancer is selfish.

Cancer makes me feel selfish.

Cancer is...

Hopefully, all is well and the lump is just that - a lump.  Nothing malicious about it and worse-case scenario, it can be safely removed, end of story.  

But until we know the results, Cancer is there, lurking in the back our minds.