Do I have to wear that?

Dear Drake,

I promised to try my damnedest to not make you wear a lame ass Halloween costume every year.

When I was little, ages 2-4, I had super cute costumes.  I was Little Bo-Peep and I distinctly remember being a witch.  The witch costume probably stuck in my head because it rained that Halloween and everyone commented on my awesome green make-up.  Obviously it was dark so we didn't realize that since it had been drizzling all night, the green dye from the witch had and seeped down into my hair and my face.  Whoops!

But then, as I got older, I don't think it was that fun for my parents to take me trick-or-treating.  We lived in the country so there was no walking door-to-door.  We drove to people's houses we knew which were far and few between.

Anyway, there was one particular Halloween costume that was just atrocious!!  Halloween sneaked up on my mom and I wanted an AWESOME costume.  So, what did I get?  I got a red, white polka-dotted bow tie and a painted black nose.  This was supposed to equal Minnie Mouse somehow.  I was embarrassed but went out trick-or-treating anyway.  After that, I pretty much gave up.  I never did get another amazing Halloween costume.

So, this is my promise - You will not get some half-ass thrown together costume that says 'I don't care'.  Instead, I will plan and save up money (or learn to sew!) so you can have a sweet costume.  Grandma used to get someone to sew costumes for me and those are the awesome ones.  I loved the pilgrim in 3rd grade and how cool would it be for me to feel comfortable enough to be Little Bo-Peep again and you could be my sheep!

Anyway, cool costumes = super fun!  And that's my goal for you!  Plus, Halloween only comes once a year and it's so much fun to play make-believe.  Who can resist?!?!  For your first Halloween, you were a doctor/surgeon.  SO CUTE!  And of all things that made you laugh, a small blow-up beach ball had you giggling in fits!  Here's the video:

Love,
Your hopefully very creative Mom :o)

The First Letter

I've been MIA for quite some time now.  I've been struggling.

Struggling with weight.
Struggling with motivation.
Struggling with anger.

And through my struggles, I've realized that I strive for an unrealistic perfection in everything.  I have somehow lost my authenticity.  I found myself becoming mean.  

Let me tell you about being mean.  I was a bully when I was in grade school.  Yes, a bully.  I was abusive and called people names that to this day I absolutely regret.  I was trying to hide my insecurities and the things I did made those 'important' to me laugh.  Then, something happened.  Before we ended 6th grade, a girl (who I totally envied and was jealous of!) told me I was a bully and that I was mean.  MEAN!  

When I found myself in Junior High, I backed down, I hid inside myself and quite honestly, I did not like junior high one bit.  But I made some life long friends there because I wasn't mean.  I wasn't a shining star and I was incredibly awkward.  I wore a vest and mock turtle necks almost every day for Pete's sake!.  Good times!

Anyway, high school came and I started to find myself.  I wasn't mean, I wasn't a bully, and I wasn't afraid of my own shadow.  I made amazing friends and went through more growing pains that make up who I am today.  

And so, thank you Kelly Kormeier for telling me the truth!  I was mean.  I still am sometimes.  But even more so, I learned to step into other people's shoes.  Think about how what I say and do may affect them.  Which leads me to my next 'struggle'.

Mommyhood.

I want to be the perfect Mom.  I don't want to be mean to my kid because being mean has negative connotations and a whole history of childhood baggage.  But yet, I need to walk away from my child at times.  I need to say no.  It's just such a fine line and the guilt can be overwhelming.  

And somehow through all those thoughts, I've decided to take a different route with this blog.  

It will be dedicated to letters.  Letters to my child.  To myself.  To my family.  To strangers.  To whomever I want it to be!  So here's my first letter.

Dear Sarah,

Don't be mean.  Don't fall into that trap that so many people fall into and constantly criticize other and compare yourself to others.  It's stupid and will only make you be in a bad mood.  

Be patient, be kind, and know that Drake loves you and he knows you love him.  He smiles any time he sees you and making him soothe himself to sleep is not the worst thing in the world.  Telling him no to playing with your cell phone is not a bad thing.  Setting boundaries is a good thing!  And stop being so hard on yourself and when you feel doubt, watch this video:

What Kids Think of Mom

Your Pal, 

Me!

5 Reasons you should believe your husband when he tells you 'You're Beautiful'

This last weekend was awesome and awesomely bad...

I went out dancing and pulled an all-nighter which I'm not even sure I ever did that when I was in college at Columbia, MO. It was fantastic!  I shook my booty for like 2 hours straight.  I literally had sweat dripping off my chin (not attractive, no no no!) and my legs were even sweaty.  I didn't think my legs could sweat!!

Sorry friends if you don't want to be on my blog--too bad!  You are all freaking awesome so don't fret!

But here's what I wrote on my personal Facebook page...

I'm drunk and I don't feel pretty but I get to dance soon!!! Woot!

My husband, Jake, was NOT happy with that post.  

He didn't care that I was out dancing with the girls, and no he didn't really mind that I was out until 5am.  He didn't care that Sprout had a bad night and didn't want to sleep for him.  

He REALLY cared that I did NOT feel PRETTY.  

I honestly never gave it much thought, but I essentially gave him a slap in the face.  

Nearly every single day this man tells me I'm beautiful, gorgeous, cute, pretty, sexy, hot, or some wonderful compliment.  But to be 100% honest, I thought it was just saying it to be nice...not that he actually MEANT it.  

So imagine my surprise when he says he ALWAYS means it and he'd never 'just say' something like that to me unless he genuinely felt that way.

Wow, did I feel like an ASS.  

Cause guess what ladies?!?!  I say the same things to him and he BELIEVES me.  And just like him, I mean every.single.word.I.say.  

So it got me thinking...

Here are...

5 Reasons You Should Believe Your Husband When He Tells You 'You're Beautiful'

5.  Women need to learn how to take a freaking compliment!  

Why can't women take a compliment?  If you know the answer, please enlighten me.  When people say, 'Cute shirt, Sarah' I totally minimize it by saying something like 'Yeah, it's like the only cute thing in my closet.'  Instead, I need to say, 'Gee, thanks!  That makes me feel good!'  I'm going to work on this and try my damnedest to take things at face value.  It's a sad world if everyone has some hidden agenda in what they say to me!!

4.  Get some freakin' self-esteem!!!  

I view myself as a fairly confident person.  I'm opinionated.  I'm loud.  I laugh at myself.  But I rarely look in the mirror and say 'Damn Girl!' or 'Hmm, I look nice today.'  Everyone has bad hair days, everyone gets an outbreak of acne, everyone feels fat (even skinny girls do!).  But the difference here is that I then scrutinize myself the rest of the day and think that people care sooooo much about little old me, they judge me every step down the aisle in Walmart, Mall, Road, Wherever!  That's simply not how the world works.  I need to practice what I preach and get some more confidence and own whatever I am wearing, doing, loving, and living.  

3.  You know you'll look back at today and think 'Holy shit!  I WAS pretty!'

I found this picture below from 1999 - I think I was 16 or 17 and I know at the time I thought I was one ugly duckling.  I see that picture now and I'm like shit...I was freaking gorgeous and didn't even know it.  DAMMIT!  

But you know what, I am going to be this girl again.  I'm going to lose weight and feel better.  But before I even do that...I'm going to believe the compliments I am given.

2.  Your husband loves you and MEANS it when he says 'You're beautiful'.

Your husband and really most men in general (sorry dudes!), don't sit around and think, 'Hmmm, what shenanigans-esque crap shall I tell my wife today?'  They just don't think like that.  Hell, I just found out that the reason my husband leaves stuff EVERYWHERE and nothing goes back where it belongs is because he doesn't think 'Oh, that doesn't go there, it goes in the pantry.'  Instead his mind thinks, 'I don't want to hold this trash any more so I'll just leave it on the couch.'  Irritating to women, but goes to show just how genuine they are when they tell us things.  It's not that men are simple-minded neanderthals, but they are simple in their feelings and don't over analyze (ehhem, women!).  Take what they say at face value and end it there.  

1.  Turnabout is fair play!

How would you feel if your husband questioned your intentions with every compliment?  Wouldn't make you feel very good, would it?  No, no, no, it sure wouldn't.  In fact, I know I would be one pissed off wife and would say 'Why don't you believe me?  Am I a liar?'.  Yikes!  So, do us all a favor and BELIEVE with every fiber of your being that your husband thinks you are beautiful.  And guess what, he doesn't just think it, he KNOWS it.  

You.Are.Beautiful.

Wishful thinking...

Thanks to Diary of a Fat Mommy's blog post today!  It really got my juices flowing!

I've been sitting here the past month it feel like wishing I had:

• Lost more weight
• Exercised more
• Ate better food choices
• Had chosen a different haircut
• Played more with Drake
• Kept my house cleaner

I can wish, wish, wish, all I want, but that doesn't actually DO anything.

And then I found this quote on Pinterest and yup, it pretty much sums it up for me right now.  

I'm spending so much on WISHING I'd done things, that it's taking away from time when I can actually DO THEM!

Part of my problem is planning.  

For some reason, I love to have this pretty little plan organized.  I guess it's the control freak in me...ugh!

But life has been very VERY UNPLANNED lately.  Crazy shit going on, ya'll!! 

But then I read how other mom and dad's still manage to get a work out in.  And let's be real here...

I watch Supernatural while on lunch and really, I can eat a sandwich in like 10-15 minutes and then workout or walk or at least MOVE for the next 30-45 minutes.  I just choose NOT to do it.

So, guess what folks!!  As Amy from Diary of a Fat Mommy said 'Shits Getting Real'!

I got nowhere to be early in the AM other than out on the track busting my ass to Couch 2 5K, week 4, day 2.  And I KNOW I can jog for 5 minutes at a time.  I'm pretty sure if I made myself do it, I could probably jog a whole mile straight.  

Oh which brings up another thing...

Guess who FINALLY signed up for her 5K?!?!

THIS GIRL!!  

Graffitti Run in STL - October 6 

Since it's my first 5K and I have no idea what to expect, other than people throwing color at me, I'm just hoping to jog roughly 2/3 of it.  If I can run 2 miles of it, I will be a very happy camper.  So, if I want to meet that goal....I gots to get my shit together!  ASAP!!!

Also - want to jog/run with me?!?!  Join my team - Tickeled Pink!  (the word tickeled looks so strange to me)

For those peeps out there that are awesome planners, what'd you do to fit workouts in?  What motivated you?  Hit me up with your tips!

I feel pretty!

I feel silly admitting this, but I do not feel pretty on a normal day-to-day basis?

Is this normal?  Do other women, girls, ladies feel like this?

I did, however, have a great moment while visiting Atlanta, GA a couple weeks ago. 

I had just gotten my hair chopped off and was feeling kinda antsy about it.  Of course a lot of people freaked when I mentioned I wanted to go short again, but I just knew I wanted to do it.  Plus, I'm stubborn as hell.  I get an idea in my head and I don't stop until I do it or get it.

Anyway, I love my haircut, but since my pregnancy my hair has gotten a ten time more curly!  So if I don't actually take the time to style my short hair, I kinda look like a lunatic.  No joke there.  I really do look crazy - like bad 70's hair or some shit.  Also, the curly-short hair look reminds me of old-lady hair.  I.DO.NOT.WANT.OLD.LADY.HAIR!!!!!

But something happened on that magical Saturday getting ready for the wedding.  I put styling mousse in my hair that morning, it got a little wavy, but not in a little, old lady kind of way.  Before the wedding I straightened it and slapped on a little eye makeup and lip gloss and guess what.

I felt PRETTY!

I was messing around with Sprout at the wedding and took a selfie and was like WHO WAS THAT?!?!  

I, for once in my life, looked put together.  And I did it all by myself.  No one did it for me.  I felt younger and I felt GOOD.  

So then I was all like whoa--I better take more pictures in case this doesn't happen again!!

We went to the wedding photo booth.

Thank HNM Photo - https://www.facebook.com/HnmPhotobooths

I love the second picture of me from the photo booth.  It pretty much sums up how I felt that night.

Today, as I'm writing this, feel pretty again.  I've recreated the hair do and my skin looks glowing!

NOTE:  I AM NOT PREGNANT.  Just because a woman's skin glows, does NOT immediately mean she's carrying a baby.  

I swear that since I've started working out way back in June, my skin is infinitely better.  I guess I am drinking more water and that's helping AND the fact that I am not chomping down on McNuggets 24/7.  It's seriously night and day.  

I'm so excited to be on the weight loss path again.  Do you ever notice how much YOUNGER a person looks when they lose weight?  It's like it shed the years off them too!  Not that I feel I look old, but I want to look youthful and not like a couch potato.  I want to continue this 'I feel pretty' phase.  

So ladies (and gents, I suppose too), do you feel pretty today?  If not, why?  For me, it's always been about my hair.  I swear in high school, I would have been a foxy lady if I'd just gotten a decent hair cut and someone would have taught me how to actually style it.  I'm so going to find some high school pics and scan them for you this week.

  

Re-Start!

Well, I haven't posted anything in a long time!  Shame on me!

Life got super busy and honestly, my time was so limited that I couldn't find time to write a post.  Oh sure, I could have written something on my phone, but darn it - it's hard on that tiny screen!

Here's a little recap of what's been going on...

• My mom is now scheduled for her mastectomy in late August.  So long as everything goes as intended, NO chemo or radiation.  Woot!
• My mom also was in the hospital last weekend due to her COPD - that was a super crazy, wild weekend!
• I didn't work out for nearly 3 weeks!  Shame on me!  But my back is TONS better and my nasty cough/cold has pretty much gone away.  
• Our Dave Ramsey budget is going fabulously!!  We've paid off 2 credit cards this month.  And it's amazing to see just how much we spent on JUNK.  Absolute JUNK!!
• Baby Sprout can now roll over from his tummy to his back and can sit up like a champ!  He's 6 months now!  How exciting!!
• Jake has been a studying fool.  He's got final exams and last minute papers to write.  This means I help him study, become his proofreader, and help keep Drake happy so Daddy can get his school work done.  

And that pretty much brings you up to speed.  

What I am most proud about is that during that time, I've managed to NOT gain any weight and lose a couple pounds too.  I need to hop on the scale and get an official number and take some pictures!  

Oh!  And I finallllllllly worked out again.  I think I was so scared I'd be back to square one that I was avoiding my Couch to 5K program with every fiber of my being.  I am supposed to be on week 7 by now, but still on week 4.  Anyway, last night I had my parents watch Sprout so I could see how bad I was.  

I redid a day from week 3 just to kind of ease myself back into the grove of walking/jogging.  And guess what!  I didn't suck!!!  Was it still challenging?  Yes, but no more than it usually is so I was thrilled that my body didn't revert back to day one.  Tomorrow I will continue with week 4 and I'm feeling really good again.  

Stay tuned for Monday's post - I feel pretty!

I'm back in action!

Seems like it's been forever since I've blogged!!

A lot has happened since then so I'll try to make it as short as possible.

Went to ATL, came home, the end.

Ha, okay I'll give you more details than that...

Jake, Sprout and I were going to Athens, GA to watch one of my husband's great friends get married.  I was excited!!!  Totally pumped!  Our first family vacation!  I had it perfectly planned.

Which as soon as I said I had it perfectly planned, it pretty much meant it was shot to shit.

Friday, we were to fly out at 930am.  Now, being that we've never flown with a baby before, we got to the airport extra early.  We were comfortably sitting at our gate at 8am.  At about 830am, we realized our flight was delayed by 45 minutes...which ended up turning into a roughly 4 hour delay.  This also meant we'd be landing smack dab in the middle of Friday night, rush-hour traffic in Atlanta, GA.  NOT MY CUP OF TEA!  Bye-bye, oh so perfect plan!

I will give the Delta crew credit; I've never seen a plane be boarded, up in the air, and then taxi'd to a gate in Atlanta so fast.  Bless them for trying to hurry it up!

Sprout did freaking awesome.  Plane didn't bother him a bit.  I, however, had the cold from hell and my nose would NOT.STOP.RUNNING!!!

Once we got to Atlanta, minus the traffic and a little oops with the Maps app on the iPhone, we were on our way to Athens, GA.  Sprout did terrific but once we were in the hotel room, he was ready to not be held, sitting, or messed with in any other fashion.  That boy wanted to play!

Saturday I woke up feeling much better.  We did our thing in Athens and went to the wedding.  I had a ton of fun and it was beautiful!  Totally what I thought a picture perfect Southern wedding would look like.  And there was a photo booth!  Score!

My skin looks great in those photos!

Anyway, I digress.  

Flight back home was fine, but we were certainly tired by then.  My cold had come back for revenge and all I wanted was some damn Qdoba nachos.  Thanks Jake for getting me some!

So...yeah, I ate super, duper shitty the ENTIRE vacation.  And it lasted into Monday as well because I was just so tired.  I could have slept a year it felt like.  But I'm back on track and with a loss!--More on that tomorrow.

But what was the real kicker, is that Monday, I found out my mom does indeed have breast cancer.  

I previously wrote about how Cancer is a Bitch but didn't want to give my mom's identity out because not everyone in the family knew.  

Now, I've been told that if there was such a thing as a 'good' breast cancer, she's got it.  It's early, but since she's had cancer in that region before there are some complications.  We'll find more about that next week.  

Needless to say, I was upset and sort of took a break from Facebook and any other form of social media.  I even stopped pinning for a bit on Pinterest!  What, what?!?!  I know, crazy!

But, I'm bitter.  I feel like my mom was dealt a horrendous cancer card with her lung cancer and she totally beat that 15 years ago.  She should get a free pass from any future cancer.  

Obviously, it's not how it works.  And it sucks...ass...big time.

For now, everyone is remaining super positive and I know she's got this in the bag.  I think more than anything, I just don't want cancer to be hidden in some deep, dark place and spring up again a few years from now and we are back at square one.  

So yeah, that was my super fun vacation.  

What was supposed to be totally relaxing, wasn't, but if anything, I feel closer to my family and feel beyond blessed to have my child!!